An open public session Young Love by the Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapist, Nagpur, was organised at Chitnavis Centre on November 27, 2016, for the age group of 18 to 25 years. The topic of the session was ‘Relationships, Intimacy & The Real Life,’ which was discussed by Dr Sapna Sharma (international spiritual counsellor) and Dr Sanjay Deshpande (sexologist). The speakers discussed the issues and myths surrounding relationships, intimacy amongst today’s younger generation.
Nation Next gives you a rundown on some of valuable ‘gyaan’ these two speakers gave to Nagpur youngsters!
Dr Sapna Sharma: Youngsters come to me with new problems everyday! This is what I keep telling them…
→These days youngsters are depressed because they don’t have a girlfriend or a boyfriend in their lives.
→This generation hasn’t discovered themselves; they need to introspect to know who and what they really are.
→Youngsters enter into a relationship as they are bored of their lives. And, they expect their partners to keep them happy.
→ People say ‘pyaar ho jata hai,’ (love happens). But, that’s not love, that’s attraction, which happens to everyone; it’s natural. But when you are genuinely ready for commitment, that is called love.
→If we don’t know what we want out of our relationship, then we are digging our own graves.
→People today are getting divorced within five to six months of their marriage because of lack of trust, patience, freedom and ego issues.
→Can you imagine a lady once wanted to get divorced as she didn’t wish to operate the washing machine at her place because she thought this was something that her husband too could do!
→Youngsters need to introspect whether they are emotionally stable or not.
→The younger generation isn’t ready to adjust. Earlier people would compromise and adjust to live in harmony with each other.
→Nowadays, couples who have been dating since more than five years, head for a divorce within two months of their marriage!
→Girls need to understand that life isn’t same after marriage. Couple should marry only if they are ready to adjust and comprise when required or else they should stay unmarried.
→Some boyfriends restrict their girlfriends to wear short dresses, attend parties, drink or smoke. If the girlfriend doesn’t mind changing herself for her boyfriend, only then she should go ahead with her relationship. But, if a girl doesn’t want to change herself for a guy, then she should change the guy!
→A couple should talk about their expectations they have, from each other.
→If a guy always agrees with you on everything and his answer is ‘yes’ each time, it doesn’t mean this will be the scenario all your life.
→The real problem in a relationship starts when a couple starts living together.
→If you have differences with your partner, resolve them before getting married to him/her.
→If a couple has an argument at night and the next day they again become a lovey-dovey couple, they should instead resolve their issues rather than happily forgetting them.
→We should love ourselves because if we don’t, we can’t love anybody else.
→You should spend as much time possible with the person you wish to be in a relationship with.
→Most people indulge in relationships because of exchanging continuous messages to each other through WhatsApp. Midnight conversations are extremely risky because one feels more connected with the other person while conversing post 10:00 pm. This is how they end up dating each other.
→Couples, despite facing lot of pressure and torture from their partners, stay back in their relationship. If your partner doesn’t let you grow as a person, you should realise that it’s not love!
→For all the couples, this is food for thought:‘Koi tumhe baar baar girata hai, kya woh tumhe saccha pyaar karta hai?’
→No matter how bad a boyfriend treats his partner, most girlfriends say, “Shadi usi se karungi,” even if they can’t be happy together.
→Sometimes, young girls and boys are blackmailed. In such cases, couples should confide in their parents.
→Don’t feel isolated in a relationship; you will never be happy.
→Love is beautiful, and if it makes you feel beautiful, then it’s ‘love’. It should be ‘rise in love’ and not ‘fall in love.’
→ Girls need to understand that they can’t separate their husbands from their families.
→These days girls want to be independent, work post marriage and even have babies. But, once they have a child, they feel burdened. If you are career oriented, don’t bear a child. Children might go through terrible abuses if left unattended. Girls and boys are equal but they are not the same.
→A couple’s real challenge starts after their honeymoon!
She concluded her speech by saying that once, somebody asked Sushmita Sen, “If you wanted a baby, why didn’t you get married?” She replied, “I wanted a baby so I adopted one. Likewise, if I want to get married I’ll get married!” She knew what she wanted in her life. Likewise, even the younger generation should discover and love themselves first and then take a decision.
Dr Sanjay Deshpande: He spoke about the issues and myths about sex amongst youngsters. Here are some interesting pointers!
→Youngsters are scared to share their sexual abuse stories. They should be able to differentiate between what is acceptable and what is not.
→Parents always tell their children to not to smoke, drink, or abuse. But, never do they talk about sex with them.
→Till we die, we would always have the urge to have sex.
→Sex is subjective for each person. There are still lot of myths and taboos surrounding sex.
→People feel that sex related issues cant be solved, which is not true. Sex is the climax of love.
→People enjoy sex, but they don’t like discussing it. Why is it that people mind talking about it?
→If you have any sex related problems, you should consult your elders.
→You should have mutual trust with the person whom you have sex with. One shouldn’t have forced sex.
→The younger generation doesn’t mind indulging in sexual activties with somebody they barely know.
→A father should educate his son about his son’s first erection and night-falls.
→Men are more violent as they don’t know how to express their feelings and emotions. That’s the reason they are more violent during sex.
→Parents should educate their sons as to how to respect girls and educate them about sex too as sex isn’t a crime or a sin.
→If a wife doesn’t want to have sex, the husband should respect her feelings. It doesn’t means she’s disrespecting her husband. Men need to understand that ‘no means no,’ when it comes to sex.
→One should know what a good and a bad touch is. A good touch is something that gives you pleasure during sex.
→Porn sites tell how to make your penis grow bigger; that’s unrealistic! As a result, people develop anxiety about their sexual performance thinking that their penis size isn’t normal. The average size of a penis is around four and a half to five inches.
→Sex is not only mechanical; it’s emotional too. Don’t compare your present sexual encounters with your past ones.
→Unprotected sex is a big no!
→People have lot of misconceptions and myths about loss of semen, masturbation, nocturnal emissions, size of genitals, size of breasts, their first night post marriage, etc. They should be well-informed.
→People have a lot of quieries regarding various sex positions, frequency of sex, vaginal bleeding, contraception and even regarding who should be initiating sex. They should discuss it with an experienced and knowledgable person.